danielmiessler.com - Latest Comments in The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

MAYORULES — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 02:56:40 -0000

i used to be an atrractive person when i was young everyone said i was cute. it was kind of cheesy, my parents spoilt me but i was very outspoken and speak with vigour now when my mom died, every thing jus changed from 15 to 18 no one really wanted to be my friend , i was loser, i thought becus i was shy, girls are still attractive to me, but when they find i have no confidence and shy big wussy , money making, boring they back off . they dont want anything so i went to the internet saying i should not chase women,i never really chase women in my entir life , having connection with women so so it is all bullshit , amm 6 6 tall handsome every time but confidence that is all i ve no girlfriend . so i chased women said u look good spoke to at least 5 women but did not get no connection. they think i have a big ego but find out i have no confidence and a big pussy unlike my brother ugly i envy him in a good way he is fat but funny , but was a nice guy until his girlfriend made him turn to a bad boy. i can talk to any woman now i hav got confidence i dont care if i dont have women. I WANT TO THE CHALLENGE. DONT BE NICE FOR BEING NICE BE BAD TRY AND ATTRACT HER AND BE WITTY

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Daniel Miessler — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 14:01:49 -0000

You'd be more convincing if you wrote well. Confusing there and they're damages the credibility.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

The Unveiled — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 12:52:19 -0000

Sorry May... I meant to post the reply to "Aaron" the retarded cretin who posted below.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

The Unveiled — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 12:51:27 -0000

Wow, Aaron sounds like a real man... NOT! I guarantee that Aaron is a semi-retarded loser who is in his 30's and still lives with his parents. The stupid fuck can't even make a coherent statement.

He claims to be six foot, six inches and "good looking, powerful, an make 10K a month" [sic]. It is easy to lie on Teh Inturnets. Anything to feel better about being 5'5" but weighing 230 lbs., making $9 an hour, and looking like someone swatted a fly on his face with a 20-gage shotgun shell (but having survived much to the chagrin of everyone).

Point # 1 is incoherent. He doesn't want gay kids. I wouldn't want a borderline-retarded monstrosity like "Aaron" to have ANY kids, and would personally castrate or euthanize him if I could. However IF he were to have kids we should hope they all turn out gay so as to minimize the chance of reproducing and thus perpetuating "Aaron's" defective DNA. The remainder of the "sentence" is so gramatically poor as to be entirely incoherent. But from what I can gather "Aaron" is unaware of a blatant contradiction he stated. Aparently he believes being gay is "genetic" and something people choose to do to be "trendy." Well it can't be both, retard! (And he says something about being "a sign your extremely stupid" [sic]... oh the irony!) One must wonder if "Aaron's" incoherent homophobic mumblings are a reflection of his own severely repressed homosexuality. Hey "Aaron," why did you take a break from looking at gay porn in your mom's basement to post your idiocy on this blog?

As to point # 3, this is especially a problem for a fat, lazy dumbfuck like "Aaron" who NEEDS a woman to take care of him, lest he is restricted to a diet of fastfood and TV dinners while lounging about in feces-stained clothing in a dorito-crusted basement.

Regarding point #4, "Aaron" the closet faggot made a point about American women being obese. Granted, this is a real problem. However, I guarantee that his massive gut was hanging out of a too-tight white Dorito-stained T-shirt while typing said statement, and that the hypocrisy and irony were lost on him. (Notwithstanding his obviously false claim to being "6'6, good looking, powerful" [sic].)

Of course, my favorite line was this: "However AW didn't count on the fact theres over a billion foreign women out there who'll slit everyones throats to get a rich kind American Man"

Too bad that "foreign women" are often classier and more attractive than American women (or "AW" as the borderline-illiterate author of the above post calls them). I somehow doubt they would be going for broke, obese, ugly, moderately retarded losers like "Aaron." (Speaking of which, how does someone with an IQ of 75 or less make $10,000.00 a month?)

P.S. I made numerous references to "Aaron's" parents' basement, but I neglected the possibility that his parents do not have a basement because their house is on wheels. It would not surprise me in the least to discover that Aaron is from a long line of inbred trailer trash.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

The Unveiled — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 12:50:40 -0000

Wow, Aaron sounds like a real man... NOT! I guarantee that Aaron is a semi-retarded loser who is in his 30's and still lives with his parents. The stupid fuck can't even make a coherent statement.

Of course, my favorite line was this: "However AW didn't count on the fact theres over a billion foreign women out there who'll slit everyones throats to get a rich kind American Man"

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Papa — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 12:03:49 -0000

It's not the end to be shy and too nice. I'm 42, and have only been single one year since I was 18. My first gf gave me her number, told me when to call, after the date: told me to kiss her, touch her already etc. My 2nd stole me from the 1st by shutting off the lights and kissing me as I tried to leave a room not knowing I was being seduced. My 3rd stared at me all night, at a social, until I got drunk enough to just walk up and kiss her without a word. Later, she made #4 jealous and who became my shadow and followed me to bed one night instead of leaving. No 5 got horney from a foot massage on a train and exploded with lust. Not to mention lotsa one nighters and stuff.

I have: no confidence. can't dance, drink too much, bad teeth, one eyebrow, weak chin, skinny arms and no ass, speak too quiet and mumble, have to repeat myself, not rich, never make the 1st move, always miss body language, and avoid eye contact. ie) DID everything wrong, and yet have always had fit, pretty gfs. I know perl, assembler, basic, php. Have buck teeth.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Chainsaw lord — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 18:45:44 -0000

I give women the dirty sanchez....the smell of poo attracts even more hoes.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Jeff Barlow — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 15:23:49 -0000

Great take on the Nice Guy conundrum. Thanks for the good site-drops here as well. Here's one I didn't see listed, www.learnwomen.com.

Cheers

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

R. — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 16:10:04 -0000

The 'nice guy' conundrum is utterly fascinating to me, in a sort of observe-it-from-a-safe-distance train-wreck kind of way.

What I also find fascinating is that this post is tagged:
Musings
Psychology
Science
Sex
women

But not 'Men' or 'Male Behaviour' -- which is the topic of the above very well-written post [it almost gives me hope].

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Morse Code — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 20:59:30 -0000

The problem of the nice guy it obvious, he represses his hormones&instinctive needs and tryes to make up for that with cordiality and submissive behaviour. Which results in a perfect friend but not in somebody that is able to, even for a short period let his urges dominate both. For a nice guy to succeed, he will have to let free all of his desires in order of true passion to arise. This is why women get bored, and fall for the wrong bad ones, the ones with no viceral inhibitions. It might sound a bit utopic, but the main point is, a realation is deemed to fail, if you, not even at one point, are dominant to your partner.... (obviously you need common sense to not rape your partner)

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Mike Paahana — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 19:21:18 -0000

eh if u be nicwe guy and den ask 4 sex its so easy some times no sometimes yes but what u get 4 looose

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Jim — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 07:41:12 -0000

Another factor that hasn't had much metion here: Age. YOUNG women are still obeying the instinct that tells them to hook up with The Toughest Caveman In The Cave, so that they'll be protected & fed. Later in life, the "Nice Guys" pull ahead. Believe me, "later in life" comes up fast...

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Trey Parasuco — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 07:19:16 -0000

Hey people, I'm Trey and I'm studying engineering at NYU. It's kinda weird living in NYC because apparently the whole macho suburban frat/sorority mentality is undesired, unwelcome, and even ostracized in NYC. You might feel like you're at the top of the food chain being in a frat or sorority in a small suburban college town, but here in NYC you're the bottom rung on the social ladder. All the girls around here tend to value things like cultural and musical knowledge, creativity, intelligent and wit, only go for super-skinny tight-pants-wearing artsy guys with long shaggy hair...and not guys like me unfortunately. According to this news article ( http://gawker.com/news/jeze... ), only the "most whorey" of girls go for muscular dudes. In NYC, skinny is in, muscle is out. From my experience, girls here don't like beefy guys. I've never heard so many girls tell me things like "Sorry, you're totally not my type" or "Guys like you totally ruin the scene" until I moved here. As a warning to all you frat boys, as a single guy you'll have a hard meeting girls in this city because all the values and ideals here are a complete 180 of what you are used to in the suburbs and college towns. Oh, and if you wanna meet skinny blonde sorority girls with long straight flat-ironed hair, good luck finding them because all the attractive girls sport dyed-black choppy messy shaggy hair, dress like lesbians, act like feminists, and listen to bands you've never heard of...and that's the way NYC boys like them apparently. The types of people who wear brands such as Abercrombie, American Eagle, and Hollister are seen as culturally backwards, cheesy, and decidedly uncool by the cultured and hip. Tight jeans, shaggy hair, and rockstar good looks is the chick magnet here, not that "fancy car" that you have in the suburbs. It is intelligence, culture, and style that rule in this city, and not suburban herd-mentality conformism, muscle and might. NYC is a city of liberal-arts hipsters that pioneer the social and cultural evolution of the rest of the country. It is not for those who like to stick to traditional and old ways. If you're not hip enough to survive here, then don't move here.

All of you frat boys should watch these YouTube videos http://www.youtube.com/watc... and http://www.youtube.com/watc... to fully understand what it takes to get the girls in this city.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Dude — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 21:10:52 -0000

We live in a Country where the man not only has to provide stability, but also presents himself to women to be accepted or rejected. It doesn't make any sense. Men do the accepting and rejecting, that's why women (much of them anyway) are so naturally insecure about their appearance and the what people think of them socially. It only makes sense that a woman would have the body, and the looks to attract a man, because it is up to him to accept or not. Women are not good at picking mates. Us diluted males ascribe godlikeness to women due to their beauty and intellect, and we present ourselves to them like ripe sheep for the slaughter (rejection). We try so hard to be nice, because we think that "nice" will certainly get us accepted. Then we can unleash all of our control, and suck her in once she's trapped. Quite frankly, there aren't too many nice guys, LOL. Nice guys sit around waiting to be picked or not, and act as if it is a virtuous act while doing so. Nice guys aren't usually all that nice most of the time, really. They are usually controlling once the relationship gets deep, and quite insecure. However, the fun-boys "bad boys," aren't nice either. They want what they want, just like the nice guy, but they go and take it, selfishly, and don't care about the feelings of women. Women are attracted to them because the "appear" confident. But it is a front. They deal with their problems through their front. Notice the average nice guy usually isn't in the attractive bracket as far as men go, but bad boys often do fit in that bracket, at least somewhat, or in some way. The reason the bad boy is the bad boy, is because he knows women are attracted to him. That's what makes him confident. Nice men try to rely on the fact that they might be able to provide security, or their groveling sweetness to attract and "keep" women. They try and "bait and net" them so to say, through emotional, and intellectual fishing -no body wants to be manipulated-. Bad boys usually approach more women, which makes it also obvious. Women, although they wont admit it, take rejection way seriously, so it is usually up to the guy to overcome his fear instead. It is more like the bad boy to do so, and accost women first. So, he gets more girls. The other thing is the looks factor again. I hear it all the time, "Girls aren't as attracted to men physically as a man is to a woman": BULL S___! That's something a "nice guy" made up. Women already desire the good looking guy to begin with, so if he approaches her, chances are he'll have good fortune. The good guy always has to come up with some scheme. The only other thing is not to be, or look a way that embarrasses a woman socially, cause that seems to be very important to them: Their friends opinions are often important too. The have ideals just like you do. As for the choosing, think about it this way: Let's say that our society was different, the women accost the men. All the girls that were very sweet, and trying to fool, or just charm you with their niceness to take you home, you would reject, especially if you saw that there were about "10" minimum, women, in the last week, who were both attractive and flirtatious with you. You'd do the same thing they do. The only biological factor here is attractiveness. We humans are big on this, male or female. You don't see candy sold in homely looking wrappers do you. Men act like women are not allowed to want to just enjoy the man physically, who they want to be with, so men make up all kinds of excuses why, or why not. Oh, it must be biology, or evolution, or stability, she can sense my aura, women can spot confidence, they took lessons from Yoda, or some kind of crap like that. I say, if you're an unattractive guy, stop telling yourself that you're so good in character compared to that good looking prick next door, who gets all the girls, but doesn't treat them right, and just settle for someone who loves you, and love her back damnit! Using "goodness" to lure and manipulate isn't good at all; and stop calling the guys that are attractive, "bad boys" because they get all the women in the bracket that you want. "Bad boys"...Just thank your genetics that you are handsome, but remember to find someone who loves you, and love them back. Cause one day, "nice guys," and "bad boys" alike are gonna get old, and ugly, and croke. So, just find someone to love, and treat them with respect, and the best you can; don't take them for granted. Nice guys can always go to the gym too, and get a "bad boy" body. So, don't worry about it. If you don't want her to manipulate you for money, then don't manipulate her to have sex, or be with someone she just plainly doesn't find attractive. Move on! Just find someone to share mutual love with, where you meet each other's standards and expectations. Simply......

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

john — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 03:15:48 -0000

A quoi ça sert l’amour? [related to OP]

http://www.youtube.com/watc...

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Jayemel — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 10:11:55 -0000

Amber,

You missed the point. The point is that the "nice guy" that you claim is being exalted by this blog entry is actually a cultural myth.

I would assert that the solution is much simpler. The problem with the dichotomy is the definitions. "Nice guy" has come to equal "pushover/wuss". "Bad ass/desirable guy" has come to equal "asshole/jerk/partier/overly violent/etc." These definitions over simplify what it means to be "nice" and "attractive."

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Amber — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 17:50:38 -0000

i don't mean to sound rude, but i think your "nice guys" synopsis is a total crock of bullshit.

first of all, i would argue that the gender norms you invoke are social as opposed to biologically-influenced. i believe the concept of a woman who wants a Big Strong Man To Protect Her as opposed to the Weak Sniveling Man Who Worships Her is just as polarizing and problematic as saying that women are biologically programmed to prefer the muscle-bound clod over the skinny artist dude.

i'm not arguing that humans aren't animals; i am arguing that sometimes the woman DOES end up with the dork who worships her, and biology isn't at the root of the 'nice guy' pathos.

this 'nice guy' crap is wholly rooted in misogyny - there has to be something horribly wrong with the woman because her weak, skewed, female judgement forces her to want the guy SHE wants and not the one being nice to her, or the most 'deserving' of her. it implies that women lack the good sense to like who they want to like, because silly them, the less attractive guy is always the perfect one.

life isn't a 1950's movie.

you don't hear of 'nice girls' not being able to get the guy half as much as you hear the nice guy's tale of woe, and it irritates me. you're attracted who you're attracted to. if the person you care about doesn't return your feelings, spend your time on someone a little worthy. don't translate it to, "these silly women don't know what's good for them! must be biology!"

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Adam — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 18:44:36 -0000

You have to understand chick logic. She thinks that you are only being nice to her to get into her pants. Consider that chicks will test you time and time again with a constant barage of BS. They are checking to see if you are going to call her on her BS or just fold. If you fold that tells here you are either 1) Being insincere and only being nice because you want to get in her pants or 2) You are too weak and if you fold this easily how can you defend her?

Also nice guys fail because they fail to elicit any other feelings except comfort and mild enjoyment. If you can't amp up any other feelings like connection, excitemnet and saftey, etc she will conclude you are a nice guy.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

AVP — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 09:27:32 -0000

Screw what women think,focus on your life.
Work for yourself,get a "I dont give a damn" attitude to women and you will be hounded by them no matter how you look.
Women..... why do they exist?

Cheers.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Ed the Emo — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 20:56:50 -0000

I wish this were true, but simply put I'm a whiny little emo and I still manage to get my fair share of the women.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

doc — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 13:15:59 -0000

Absolutely brilliant. Pulitzer material. Guys struggle at figuring women out in this area, and some of us have it somewhat figured out, but this is flat out well executed, eloquent, and deserving of the highest of awards.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

dep — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 19:06:13 -0000

Precisely.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Nice Guy=Eunuch — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 13:50:30 -0000

This is painfully true.

A variation of this works in reverse for women. Women's magazines and advice columns will have all kinds of tricks women can do to attract guys, but the truth is, none of them will work if the woman isn't attractive within certain parameters. Even within those parameters, a woman is given more slack for being a pain in the ass if she is at the high end of looks, and less if she is at the low.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

My name is nobody — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 23:54:03 -0000

Are we talking about being nice in order to attract someone?
Or being nice when you are already married?
When you're married it has nothing to do with that initial moment of interaction.
Marriage may be a sign of a deep mutual bond and great honesty or it may not.
But it is definitely not about spontaneity. The singletons out there are playing a much more delicate game, with almost no back up from those old words, commitment and habit. I think that they have very little to listen to from married people.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

My name is nobody — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 23:46:32 -0000

Brian: Money is the best way to attract a certain kind of woman. Maybe we call them golddiggers, maybe they're escapists who dream of travelling but have no money themselves.
And most importantly: funny doesn't go with sex for a lot of women (bad sense of humour on their part), and you're wrong about looks: funny is funnier if he is uglier. Which comedians do you find the funniest? The handsome guy who looks like he's just laughing at everyone, or the fat, bubble faced Horatio Sanz? If you're trying to be funny, for my money, you'd better be ugly. This sounds horrible to my ear but I think it's true: even if the ugly guy doesn't get the girl, when he jokes with her, he gives her a warm feeling that her hunky boyfriend never will. I know, for a guy that's second place and he wants to feel good somewhere a lot lower than the lungs, but still. If she laughs at her ugly friend's jokes sincerely, she's totally unimpressed with her handsome beau's lame comedy.